If you don’t like being single, try dating apps. You’ll still be single, but will appreciate it

I don’t mind being crazy in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

When you’re an adult, you’re expected to make tough decisions but I can’t even decide if I want original recipe or extra crispy chicken

Who’s got the edibles? I’m ready to leave this place and visit other worlds for awhile.

gift her a pearl necklace so you can lick it clean

tired: veganism is the only ethical consumption under capitalism

wired: grandpa, eating ass is the only ethical consumption under capitalism

greatly desired: tuberculosis is the only ethical consumption under capitalism

Can’t wait for people to start bitching about this and that

Therapist: You’ve created a backstory for your cat?

Me: It’s Miss Meowerton.

T:

Me: Of the Virginia Meowertons?
Ancestors came over on the Meowflower. Landed at Plymeowth Rock…

Therapist: I’m writing you a prescription.

You can't be doing it wrong if nobody knows what the fuck you're doing in the first place.

doctor: do you exercise?
me: just my demons

Present mode: IDGAF but cool

Believing in yourself despite your failures, loving yourself despite your flaws, and being patient with your progress is the key to waking up with a smile.

Attraction may ignite a spark, but attachment fuels the flame. Choose depth over shallowness, for true power lies in the strength of intimacy.

I'm praying for you...

So if a bird shits on your windshield...

That's from me

If I can't straddle your lap during our arguments... don't bother talking

Instant mashed potatoes is step parent energy

call me a taco because at some point today i’m going to just fall apart

i hope you get to a place in your life where you can authentically and unapologetically say “i know who i am. and i love the person i fought to become.”

imagine having world peace and resealable cereal bags