tatum (@50FirstTates )


Bio schrodinger’s thicc boi
Location horace green prep
Tweets 7,1K
Followers 11,2K
Following 6,3K
Account created 08-01-2020 15:50:10
ID 1214937327014989824

Twitter Web App : me: [holding newborn son] he's beautiful

doctor: we're gonna have to give him some shots

me: oh hell ya pour up its his fucking birthday

iPhone : smh the star spangled banner doesn’t hold a candle to other countries national anthems and i am an american

iPhone : He was a competitive shooter. She flung clay pigeons. Will their love be on target? This fall on the Hallmark Channel: Skeet-Cute

iPhone : date: yay what’s ur favorite song?

me: hm close tie between the State Anthem of the Russian Federation and the french La Marseillaise. hbu?

date: what

Twitter Web App : date: do u like country music?

me: [having waited decades for my vast knowledge of foreign national anthems to be put to use] *excitedly* omg yes

Twitter Web App : me: wanna come to church with me?

friend: i’m atheist now

me: ok what about when the heist is over

Twitter Web App : hate it when ppl say “i could never own a dog. cant stand the smell” oh the smell of unconditional love and affection? yeah i hate that too

Twitter Web App : ME: [rock climbing] wow the view from up here is incredible

DWAYNE JOHNSON: dude get the fuck off me

iPhone : don’t worry i went back again and stopped the assassination. at least i think i did idk i was really upset at that guy

iPhone : Me *calling wife* should I get one or two hotdogs

Wife: two

Me *to tattoo artist* yeah one on each arm