i have no comeback for this

hell yeah it’s 4/20 can’t wait to celebrate by smoking some weed!! (i’ve smoked weed every single day for the better part of 2 decades)

your honor with all due respect shut uppppp like who cares it’s literally not a big deal no one gives a shit

my younger cousin just sent a picture of him drinking seltzers in the family group chat and said “i think i have clawtism” and my grandma left the group i’m crying

get so confused when people say 'you don't really like coffee unless you drink it black.' okay and you don't really like pasta because you eat it with alfredo sauce? can you relax

my eclipse playlist goes crazyy

me and my squad after the 50 pack of eclipse glasses i got on amazon for $1.19 turn out to be knock offs:

the traffic in question

just ONCE i’d like to casually enjoy a milkshake in my yard without being absolutely INUNDATED with boys

RIP the ancient greeks. y’all would have loved syphilis and herpes

structural engineer here. your grandma should move

hate crime? i sure do. stop it

$120 for a tire rotation? trust me they rotate. buddy how do you think i got here

thought i didn’t understand cryptocurrency so i did some research into it and it turns out i understood it perfectly it’s just that it ACTUALLY doesn’t make any sense

Had to stop playing Mario Kart bc getting hit w the blue shell turns me into a fox news anchor I start saying shit like “So I’m being punished for being in 1st? It’s not my fault the other racers are lazy and didn’t put in the mf work like I did to get good at this game”

busy day ahead

everyone got that one whistleblowing homie. the dude who’s always uncovering corruption and dying under mysterious circumstances

i can’t stop laughing

can’t hang today got a lot going on