there should be a second president that takes over at night...handles the night stuff

I think if ppl knew the real me theyd like me more on this app, for instance if they saw me reading to elderly ppl every night or teaching blind ppl at the homeless shelter how to eat using a fork

The key to a good treadmill workout is to drink chocolate milk right before you start. If I dont drink chocolate milk B4 the treadmill I can do 3 minutes tops, but if I drink chocolate milk B4, I can do 3 and 1/2 minutes maybe even 4 no problem

I guess Trump should have secret service protection in prison. Just put a guy on a stool outside the cell.

HE'S GOT A GUN!!!

Moses Moody is a really dumb name, it starts out bad then gets worse

Piers Morgan is younger than Conan O'Brien

#britishppldontagewell

If I'm the Pistons, I'm taking Fletcher Loyer #1 overall

Which is weird because I heard Polish keyboards are all installed upside down

When someone you like to troll clearly has you on mute all of the sudden, does it make you:

Honestly feel more sad for Jamaica than I do thrilled for America.

A loss here actually would energize the group going into COPA. #intangibles

This video never fails to make me laugh

These Judd Apatow like comedies where mild mannered ppl get into 2 arguments a day where they angrily F bomb each other and the ones they love, is this a thing ppl do on the reg? I've maybe had one of these arguements and the person I did it with hasn't spoken to me in years

'I think Gio Reyna is a world class talent and also has a great attitude that ppl like being around'

I've been driving looking at my phone for the past 5 minutes and the car in front of me is now behind me, I must have passed him and not realized it