Told men on only fans I’m late on my taxes and now they’re giving my financial advice

through trial and error i am learning which beverages turn me into an evil person. so far it is all of them except water

lately a lot of people are congratulating me on appearing so 'loose' on stage and it's starting to sound like not a compliment

I’m always surprised when people complain that a short story is too sad. Oh, how I love to have my heart broken!!!

guy next to me at a coffee shop is sending what seems like 50,000 women messages on LinkedIn that say 'looks like you're doing great!' and I--even more of a loser--am watching him.

I feel that all my thoughts are intrusive?

Do men take off their toupees before they have sex?

Do Snoopy and Clifford know each other peripherally (like they’ve seen each other at bars) or are they enemies or are they best friends or do they have no knowledge of each other whatsoever? (This is important — don’t use this tweet for your stupid jokes)

“jesus CHRIST!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!” - me listening to California by Joni Mitchell

My dad just pitched me a show that’s just him and my mom getting into adventures

Every standup clip I post I now caption with the same thing: “men don’t yell at me!!!!!”

Poets are all cumming today what w all the moon talk

This 1 star review of Portnoy's Complaint is one of the greatest pieces of literary criticism I've ever read

Her first Comedy Central set got 10M+ views, and if you're in Alameda, you can see Amy Silverberg live tonight and tomorrow at @Alamedacomedy.

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A little #LoveIsBlind riff from this season

I need to watch a sports documentary once a week like it’s my medicine