We look to comedians to find the line, and then cross over that line. That is, as long as we aren't talking about the line I believe you just don't cross, buddy. I mean come on, man! That's a line you just DON'T CROSS, BUDDY!

In some ways comedians ARE the modern day philosophers bc that is something people will teach for $, but not do for $.

Another good one is putting on workout clothes and not doin a damn thing. That is called dumbass muscle confusion. If you're convincing enough, you never have to workout. Your muscles are too emotionally invested to accept your unwillingness to change.

I am 40, but am owed at least 3 more years of my 30's. What paperwork do I need to fill out for me to be legally 37? I'm tellin ya, I'm not supposed to be 40. I'm not supposed to be alive, but I am on less borrowed time than this goddammit.

I signed the stop Cop City petition thinking it was the pitch for a Bravo style reality show. Now that I am more informed, I will sign it again under my govt name.

Hey Fandy Fandfords, I shit you not, there is a straight up GOAT'd silly skwad of harhar harbingers. A guffawfully hilarious lineup is set to lay siege to the stage at 529 in EAV tonight. Doors at 7, show at 8. Soul raptured to perc-atory at 10. iykykmf cum out ya goddam idiots!

ok wtf I am tweeting/X'ing this from my laptop because the X app is gone from my phone. That is fuckin crazy, Musky ass dungeon bdsm lookin app

Adjust for a 6ft change in latitude #sorry

Appetizers really fall apart if you try to explain it to a reasonable foreigner.

“Uhh it’s like a basket of fried cheese, or loaded tater skins just to kickstart the appetite I think. I know 6 potatoes +all that shit seems filling but eating out is a dare here.”

Most the line cooks I’ve known were more into the lines than the cooking.

There’s a silly lil reel on ig where bricklayers setup a domino rally thing with a buncha bricks, & every mouth breather can’t help commenting “yeah good job makin more work for yourself!” So I said “u guys sure know how to ruin a fun lil video.” That’s all it takes. Triggered.

Just heard Rx ad for something to combat “Treatment Resistant Depression.” Are they still accepting alternate names? If so, I humbly put forth, “hopelessly aware”

Equalizer 4: inequality plagues an Equalizer Dying to Retire

Equalizer 3: all things being Equal

I gotta say, this transition from Twitter to X has turned this place into a true journal no one will ever read or react to. I think every dozen tweets 1 bot will ❤️ a tweet by accident & remind me how stupid this is.

I was bored and randomly wandered into the Reddit r/Standup subreddit. Some Replies. Even posted a thing. Then I kept getting bombarded with notifications “username posted in r/Standup: what outfits do you find best for comedy?” & it reminded me why I don’t like recovery groups.

“PRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLL!!!” But with a boner.

Checker’s has great fries, but don’t make the same mistake I did and go to Fact Checker’s, they only confirmed that Checker’s fries are indeed delicious.

I can’t recall ever going to TGI Friday’s, but I’d like to think the hostess greets you with, “good evening, welcome to Thank GAWD it’s Friday’s, just y’all 3? Thank GAWD.”

Holy shit. I just told jokes to maybe the worst collection of people to ever assemble for a comedy show.