Sometimes, days go by without me even once thinking about Yoko Ono. The heeling has begun.

I'm noticing where I live that beagles are making a comeback. They were a very popular breed of dog when I was a kid that mostly disappeared. Snoopy lives.

JESUS: So why is it called The Last Supper?

JUDAS: Oh we're not all calling it that

JESUS: What?

JUDAS: What?

Gen X only wants one thing, and it’s 13 CDs for the price of 1.

Hungry Hungry Hippos was a tragic game. They weren't actually hungry, it was emotional eating. It was a cry for help but we just laughed and laughed.

Don’t be like “Gunter Gleiben Glauchen Globen,” and then act like you got something to say.

It’s great to see Kenny G carrying on the family tradition of playing the sax, like his father before him, Kenny F, and his father before him, Kenny E, and his

In the 70s, Pizza Hut was the first restaurant chain to appear in many small Midwestern towns. They had a salad bar, booths, table clothes, gentle lighting, Venetian candles, and a wait staff. If you had one in your town, it was the 'nice restaurant.' It was a treat. I miss it.

it was me. i’m the guy who keeps saying next year can’t be any worse. and guess what

2024 can't be worse than 2023, right?

2024: Somebody hold my beer.

I bought the 'Best Moments of 2023' magazine and the pages were blank

The days are going to start getting longer now, and nothing pisses me off more.

Make this the year you demand your tinsel al dente.

I’ve had lapses in judgement longer than my nephews have been alive.

Feeling like a superhero just before bed with plans of all the things you still want to accomplish. Versus waking up, feeling half-dead, and wondering what's the point of it all.. a daily struggle and mystery.

Sure the pilot says “feel free to move about the cabin,” he doesn’t mean it.

Our first two dogs were planned, the third one was an accident.

Stick and stones may break my bones, but pepper spray makes me cry

I'm becoming less sure that 'Thinking outside the box', 'Being completely out of touch with reality' and 'Clean out if his rabbit ass mind' aren't all synonymous