Meghan Markel: refers to her husband as… “my husband”

Megyn Kelly: How DARE Meghan Markle call her husband “my husband”

THE HORROR 😑

Tonight, in Mineral Wells, Texas

When a Greg Abbott supporter laughs, yes, laughs out loud so everyone could hear, while Beto described the massacre of 19 children and 2 teachers in Uvalde, Beto quite appropriately lets loose with a MF.
Yep.
It was a pretty good one too.

I was on a little Kansas highway earlier. A young Black couple were pulled over, standing behind their car with their hands on the trunk. I stopped on the other side of the highway. The officer yelled at me to 'go.' I said, 'there is far too much police brutality for me to
1/?

A 10-year-old girl is raped. The State forces her to remain pregnant and tells her to consider it an “opportunity.”

This isn’t Iran. This isn’t Gilead. This isn’t hypothetical.

This happened today in Ohio.

As the parent of a very sweet, smart preschooler, every time I see him off in the morning, with a huge hug, a kiss, and an “I love you”, there is the lurking specter that this could be the last time I ever get to say those words, to hear him say “I love you too daddy”

1/?

Hilarious that the sexiest man alive is in his fifties but the sexiest woman is usually barely 18

What if we all pooped like toddlers? Just kinda crouched in the middle of the room making awkward eye contact and grunting

'I don't usually find women funny' 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Oklahoma has declared war

Tool songs last longer than most marriages

A horror film, but it’s just a dad who accidentally locked himself out of the house, and now he’s peering through the window at his toddler alone with a sharpie.

What's the sexiest thing a customer service agent could say that you could also say in bed, and why is it 'Your feedback is important'

First date:

Her: I heard this place has an amazing exotic pork dish.

Me, clever: Oh? Is it...boar-gasmic?

Her, putting her coat back on: I just remembered. I have to go do literally anything else.

*Leaves

Ad for Pet Lawyer:

🐶: 'Have you suffered emotional trauma as a result of a recent vacuuming, vet appointment or bathing? You may be entitled to compensation!'

😺: 'My human ran the scary noise machine and Law Dog got me table scraps, treats and an ounce of catnip'.

I struggled with depression for a while, but then I got the upper hand and pushed it over the railing of its fathers yacht, where it disappeared into the murky depths below, ten years ago this very night.

Listen, I may not finish what I start, but look at it this way