Just like the Secretaries General, if there were two Anthony L. Rays we’d address them as Sirs Mix-A-Lot

I'd fall for this

Do you pronounce “pecan” like it rhymes with Han Solo?

Or “pecan” like it rhymes with Han Solo when your Aunt Claudia says his name?

Shoutout to the time I gave flowers to Kristin Martin on Valentine’s Day in 1998 and before I even said anything she just said “no”

Legalize kissing whoever you want as long as you hold your arms backwards like Naruto

Found my new header

First date idea in 3 easy steps…

1. Take her to a shelter to look at puppies.

2. Ask to hold one.

3. Weigh it in your hands like a summer melon and ask the staff what the cooking time is on one of that size.

Currently taking ideas for a quirky companion animal for when I start my new job as the head of an oddly successful but evil corporation

I don’t mean to brag, but my 2023 Bingo card is starting out pretty strong

Going to the grocery store with ADHD is fun because you’re guaranteed at least three side quests, which really keep things interesting

Him: Hurt me, baby
Me: *shoves Cap’n Crunch in his mouth*

Boomers: The music kids listen to today doesn’t make any sense!

Also Boomers:

Does anyone know if that guy ever took his horse to Old Town Road?

Who remembers Slim Goodbody? Where are my 80’s kids at?

My orchestra's failure to find a competent triangle player is the reason we can't have nice tings.

2009 - Balloon Boy
2023 - Chinese Balloon
2037 balloon news is gonna be lit!