It’s not that men age better than women, it’s society values experience and maturity in men, but innocence and malleability in women, caring more what a man can do, and more what a woman can have done to her—a fresh receptacle who doesn’t know enough not to be impressed.

Gross.

This is why I don’t do ocean activities.

wake up babe, new sentence just dropped

Time for a COVER REVEAL!

SOMEONE YOU CAN BUILD A NEST IN out 4/2/24!

Shesheshen is a shapeshifting horror with a big problem: she's fallen for a human. She’s never connected with someone like she does with the kindly Homily…until she learns Homily is here to hunt her.

I love that the much loathed Mrs. Columbo spin-off where Columbo's wife divorces him and solves murders on her own is still technically canon as the story of an insane woman who pretends to be Mrs. Columbo

Kept waking myself up doing math problems in my sleep last night, and this is peak terrible old man shit.

Over here waking up in a cold sweat, “Beware Pythagorus! Beware the negative integer! Euclid waits in the nightmare rhombus! What has four sides and watches you sleep?!”

In January I was snowed in for a few days at a remote country inn. Alone but for one lovely staff member. It was a memorable experience. A frog on the property inspired this flash fiction. Thank you Atticus Review for publishing it. atticusreview.org/the-inn-of-fro…

The Supreme Court effectively abolishes the right to mass protest in three US states trib.al/bDjjbYH

Signed a cool contract today. House of Bone and Rain is going places. More info when I can.

Oldest Kid Teaching Brothers: When you’re making a wrap you can be pro or a noob. Your cheese isn’t going to be long enough for the whole wrap. You’re going to be tempted to rip it and lay it end-to-end. Wrong! Noob move. No, you get yourself ANOTHER slice of cheese, like a pro!

Pediatrician: Cool shoes.
Toddler: They’re Godzilla shoes!
P: They look like T-Rex.
Me: They’re SPECIAL Godzilla shoes that look like T-Rex but they are Godzilla because he really wanted Godzilla shoes.
P: So, they’re not REALLY Godzilla?
T: *panic*
M: Bro, have you met a kid?

I'm absolutely losing my shit at this ĀÎ gen yearbook

It’s surreal to think my debut novel, Living in Cemeteries, is coming out this Friday :)

My 4 year-old has lunch meat stuck to his legs and is threatening people who walk by my house, telling them he is a serial killer named Salami Knees.

Cool, cool, cool. I got this. Rocking this parenting thing on a normal Sunday night. Right on, right on.

The surest sign of a male author writing a sex scene is when he refers to a female orgasm as “finishing.” She “finished.”

That’s like running a 20k and only making it to 5k, and then assuming no one else makes it farther.

Bro, you finished. She completed a leg of the race.

Joy Sullivan, wrecked.

When I say I am Appalachian, I mean my mom passionately and completely believed you could cure a wart by stealing a neighbor’s dishrag and throwing it out a car window at a fork in the road. My dad’s HS mascot was the Wampus Cat.

What cultural weirdness did your parents believe?

Tell me your 4 favorite super specific sub-genres of stories.

1. Morally complex horror westerns
2. Absurd/poignant literary fiction that breaks you emotionally but doesn’t forget the aftercare.
3. Self-aware urban fantasies.
4. Creature features where the villain is society.

LIVING IN CEMETERIES is everything I hoped it would be. Haunting, suspenseful, and an honest examination of what's important in the short lives granted us. Entertaining, thrilling, and yes, horrifying. Congrats, Corey Farrenkopf. Absolutely brilliant debut. Highly recommend!

I see lots of photos of cool writer friends out doing cool writer friend things, but I remain chronically ill with approximately 17 crazy children, so I’m not sure how to get myself into those photos apart from photo shopping me in wearing a sombrero, so I’m going to do that now.