'The author clearly signals that this is a tale told by an unreliable narrator,' I explained, gesturing to the stack of forms.

The IRS agents were not amused.

no one:

my 6yo, gripping plastic knives between his toes: look I'm a velociraptor

I live my life by two hard and fast rules:

1. Never finish a list.

Everyone please stop posting about Conan, he’s seen your tweets and is so high on the attention that he thinks he wants to drop a Drake diss track.

To know your enemy, you must become your enemy.

Stolen Tesla? Call that an Edison.

What’s wrong? You’ve barely touched your meowlk.

Arriving home from work, you meet a woman in the street. 'I know you,' she says and then keeps walking. A group of boys are quickly approaching on bicycles. 'I know you,' they call out. In the house, you turn on the TV to find a strange man on the news. 'I know you,' he says.

I've got two, maybe three, Motown puns left in me, four tops.

I want a trench coat, just in case I absolutely have to fight in World War I.

Be kind.

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about.

They’re called The Hidden Wars, and if you learn about them, you become their next opponent.

A good percentage of them are robots from the future, so just be kind, and keep your distance.

Everybody you meet is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Attack them. Now they’re fighting two battles

15 caps little man... #fallout

Art by: #WickedyChickady

Studio Apartment Available:
- Pet-friendly
- Located next to bridge
- No strings attached

Saying “Why I oughta!” when my doctor checks my prostate.

'Welcome to Thunder Dome! Two men enter, three men leave! But none of them are the original two guys! We don't know how it works! We would love to study it but grant funding is hard to come by these days! One time, four men entered and three dogs came out! Weird, right?'

An episode of 'Black Mirror' but it's just Elon refreshing his page and his tweet still has only three likes.

congratulations to people who don't get obsessed easily. i can't relate but I'm sure it's lovely. unfortunately, i only know how to let things consume my entire soul.

run forest run