the year is 2024. there are no more ideas. no more content. there is only reaction. reaction to all that came before. we no longer watch the lion king... only logan paul watching the lion king... 'simba needs gains.' 'i could beat up mufasa.' 'buy my sports drink.'

me: y'know when that crazy guy in mad max says 'witness me' and then gets blown up by the big flamethrower

boss: no i asked you to describe your average work day

Watch me alongside some excellent actors in an excellent and powerful film! Link below

no one:

boomers: idk i just really like ironing

YouTube video titles

in 2008: 'how to fix a leaky sink'

in 2023: ''FIVE reasons why woke noob gets DESTROYED by sink's red pill logic'

therapist: its important to clearly express what u need

me, nervous: disposable income

therapist: *literally laughs their ass off*

the year is 2024. there are no more ideas. no more content. there is only reaction. reaction to all that came before. we no longer watch the lion king... only logan paul watching the lion king... 'simba needs gains.' 'i could beat up mufasa.' 'buy my sports drink.'

Happy World Book Day folks!
Fancy an epic fantasy?
Loads of 5 star reviews?
Throw in some gender politics?
And fights?

Link in bio - would love you to support my work x

Listening to Spotify, idk what the algorithm thinks I like but it keeps advertising this band called 'buy Spotify premium' - idgi its totally not my genre

Sadly I’ll be away from Twitter for the foreseeable future. If u like jokes then they’re all below👇

If you like acting 🎭 my IMDb is: m.imdb.com/name/nm4099940…

If you’d like to buy my fantasy novel 📚 link is here: (UK) amazon.co.uk/Wastelands-Sag… or (US) amazon.com/Wastelands-Sag…

english teacher: describe a tree in as few words as possible.

JRR Tolkien: no

cow: moo

other cow:

cow: ...

other cow:

cow: m-

other cow: I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME, DANIEL

interrogator: why don’t u just start at the beginning

david lynch: no

me: you’re a good boy

my dog: :)

me: im pretty sad today tho

my dog: :)

me:

my dog: :)

me: :)

doctor: have u got a lab coat

cruella deville: ya

Liv Tyler implies the existence of Laugh Tyler and Love Tyler

computer: choose a password

me: GameOfThrones

computer: password has too many characters

[inventing bears]

god: make em dangerous af

angel: um ok

god: cute and cuddly too

angel: maybe put the liquor down

god: and a dump truck ass lol

pirate: walk the plank

me: ok but i don’t have a leash lol

pirate: *drops sword* dad?

gf: [holds up an unknown bra]
u care to explain this?

me: ok *proudly* the bra or 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘦 was a term first coined in 1893 whe-