Antisemitism is protean. Whatever you hate, you can transfer to the Jew. Today colonial-settlerism is the evil of choice, so Jews are colonial settlers. Nazism is a perennial hatred, so Jews are Nazis. If you hate communism, Jews are communists, if you hate Capitalism, Jews…

it's a common misconception that the most common element on earth is oxygen when it's actually 'moth'.

I think the first thing Labour should do when they get in is bring back 'seasons'. I liked the old system - 'winter at winter' and 'summer in the summertime'? Worked so much better than this new 'omni-season' system when it's all the fuckn seasons every fuckn day.

I think someone definitely stole his self respect.

Out walking in the fields.

Mrs Lang 'Why aren't the lambs gambolling?'
Me 'They have to wait till they're 18'.

And nothing. Not even a hint of a titter and now our happy marriage is over.

Gonna mix all the tester pots I have in my paint cupboard together and gonna paint my entire house in that colour and then gonna paint all your houses with it too. Whatever I have left I'm gonna paint the great Wall of China with.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a hose, no matter how carefully rolled, whether inside or out, will, at some surprising point, release great spurts of filthy water all over you.

This beautiful lady left us today. Never was a cat more stroked, more kissed, more sniffed, more loved. For fifteen blissful years she absorbed a family's stresses and woes and turned them in to smiles, calm and contentment. We loved you very much gorgeous lulu.

And we're off......!!

Always a nice moment when this beauty is printed - no more rewrites. (I said no more!!)

So last day at the office, and then on Monday, in a moody marsh, at dawn, with Sanjeev Bhaskar💙 Sinéad Keenan💙 Georgia Mackenzie we start shooting.

Wish us luck!

And so it begins. Delighted to tell you #Unforgotten6 starts shooting next week. Four new suspects to meet, four new lives to interrogate, with Sunny and Jess and the team. Could not be more excited. Sanjeev Bhaskar💙 Sinéad Keenan💙

On the set of #IJackWright & I've written a character ( Gray) who was a musician in the 90s. The design team asked me to come up with some singles titles for one of his albums and I came up with the one below & it's without doubt the finest thing I've ever written. #SiliconValet

Given MPs may not address the house whilst wearing a hat, I wonder if Galloway will refuse to attend the commons, on the pretence of some principle or other, but actually, because he does not wish to be finally revealed as the massive slappity-slap-slap-head we all know he is.

Just learned (by buying a bike helmet) that I have an uncommonly big head, to which Mrs Lang's response was 'this is a surprise?' and now our happy marriage is over.

Got a parking ticket yesterday and once again find myself the victim of a politically motivated witch hunt by dark nameless forces. But I want you to know I will fight with every fibre in my body to prove my innocence because I WAS 'loading' *.

*carb loading in kfc

Soproud to watch my son Oscar Lang supporting Keane last night at the legendary Shepherds Bush Empire in support of War Child UK

My dentist just called to change an appointment & then signed off with a cheery 'love you'.

I reckon it's cos I sit so still when she does the x-rays.

Delighted to finally announce my new show 'I, Jack Wright' which started filming yesterday, starring #NikkiAmukaBird , #JohnSimm & #GemmaJones and all lead by the fabulous #TomVaughan &
Nickie Sault

Just had a full on row with the cat cos she flat out lied to me.

Nothing better represents the utter moral corruption of the American far right, than Tucker cunting Carlson mincing around a Russian supermarket praising their trolleys, even as the utterly heartbreaking death of Alexei Navalny in a Siberian jail is announced. Just tragic.