At this point, I think I know more about queer climate science than anyone currently alive on Earth.

Almost finished my latest book, 'How I Made $1600 a Month Working From An Office'.

Look at me. What do you see? You see a woman. A brave, authentic woman, who is battling the patriarchy.

A woman who is not afraid to be her true self.

No, I am not perfect. I am insecure. My skin is oily. My balls sweat. This is what real women are like. Deal with it.

I thought they were just pointless clusters of cells. Comrades, let's try to be consistent at least.

Thinking of submitting my film scripts to this. I've long been a huge fan of taylon swift.

I'm pretty fluent in Italian, although I can't really understand what they're saying.

I think it's wrong to generalise. Not all Indians are racist.

#RwandaBill
#ECHR

At around 23:00 last night, whilst surrounded by friends and family, our beloved grandfather, at aged 78, transitioned into a polyamorous pangender sex worker of colour.

Part of what I want to do as a queer climate scientist is normalise self-immolation.

It's literally impossible to invent a company name that is either too pompous or too childish.

I've decided to combine the two for my new company Fartasium Ltd.

Our aim is to work with select wealthy individuals to reduce their methane emissions by up to 50%.

Comrades, today we must mention that St. George was not English, he was from Turkey and never visited England. No-one has ever mentioned this before. This stunning and brave move will totally own every far-right Brexit voter, a blow from which they will never recover.

Now that we've diversified universities and lowered entrance requirements so that basically anyone can get in, of course we can expect more righteous mass demonstrations and a lot less learning.

No-one shall study until Israel has been Palestinized!

BREAKING: Humza Yousaf unveils new inclusive Scottish flag.

From next Monday, Australian citizens will need to apply for a licence if they want to make jokes.

Get your ten-joke licence application in early so the government can vet your proposed jokes and witticisms.

Helping to keep us all safe!

My goal as a climate activist and researcher is to ensure that at least ten of us commit suicide in Canadian euthansia pods by 2030, thus preventing a hundred tons of carbon from being emitted.

And quite a lot of methane also.

A lot of academics tell me I'm not funny. Which is ironic, because I think they're hilarious.

Do you think your friends value you as a person? No. All they see is 2-3 available sex holes.

I once found a picture in an old encyclopaedia entitled 'Seven Cretins and One Normal Man'.