Dear customers

We have hit some choppy 💦 😂 & the 💩 has now hit the fan 😂. Would you mind awfully shelling out 40% more so we can bale out 😂 our bondholders? We solemnly promise to fix your pipes by 2050 under a prog. scheduled to start in 2049 😐

theguardian.com/business/2024/…

Oil & gas explains everything, apparently. I don’t get that. I’m as happy to buy gas from Palestinians as Israelis. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on & I’m damn sure neither the BBC nor any British politician will explain it except at some stupid, childish level.

I have the same question.

What vital British interest is at stake in propping up Israel while making enemies of its enemies? Is it just our desperate need to ponce about pretending to be a Great Power, wholly dependent as it is on prostrating ourselves before the Great Satan?

We don’t need no stinking Italian cooks or waiters. I didn’t go over the top at Monte Cassino only to have foreign filth served up back home. Prefer Chinese anyway 😐

theguardian.com/food/2024/apr/…

Brexit

The things women can’t do (until it turns out they can) now include being a bigger draw than their male counterparts in a major sport. Women also can’t:

• fly planes
• drive trains & trucks
• pole vault or run marathons
• read the news
• vote
• etc

theguardian.com/sport/2024/apr…

The fruit and veg section in a tiny South German town today.

This is a sweet thread.

There’s a scene in Jackie Brown which I believe refers to the OJ Simpson case. It’s when Ordell puts on some very tight-fitting gloves before shooting poor Beaumont in the trunk of his car.

The police did some pretty dumb things in Simpson’s case.

theguardian.com/us-news/2024/a…

Who would be a farmer? A govt. scheme to help flooded farms only pays out if the farm is within 150 metres of a main river, but some affected farms are miles away. Pix stolen from the Guardian.

Pies, testosterone shots 🫤, fitness, recruitment & dental scrubs.

I’m going with pies.

#apprentice

Meaning Jacob Rees-Mogg in favour of permanently unilaterally favouring the EU (their exporters) over ours..& smugglers.
Just letting the deregulated & uncontrolled crap flood the UK market!
Which will also fuck GB *exports*, from a now untrusted, deregulated bandit county GB

Quite often what lies behind such closures is a lease expiry & a landlord wanting an unaffordable rent under a renewal.

Can someone give me a job writing bullshit under insane headlines like this?

GIANT CRABS SIGNAL START OF WW3 or
MARKETS REEL ON NEWS OF CENOTAPH FALLING OVER or
BBC IS LEFT WING