I don’t know if the early bird gets the worm, but that cuddly little spoon definitely does.

Don’t judge my alarm coc….clock.

Yup

So I guess the refs are just prepping for playoff season…

When you cum, just know im going to lock my arms around your hips so i can keep devouring and you can’t escape. Don’t panic, I’ll avoid that sensitive little part until the quivering around my tongue slows down, but then it’s mine again.

Tonight , the stupid demons in my head are winning…

Never forget:

A-fucken-men

The account Crissie is STILL active and still impersonating me. PLEASE report and block.

I’ve heard two theologies on birthmarks and what they represent…

1) it is how you were wounded and died in a past life
2) it is the place where your soulmate first touched you…

Where is your birthmark and which theory do you believe?

Mine is on my hip.

Dinner: Beef short ribs

Today, I discovered that there are such things as face dildos… I just…why?! Well I know why…. But WHY?!

Jesus’ born and we get drunk…
Jesus dies and we get drunk…
Jesus rises from the dead, and we get drunk…
Are we alcoholics?
No no
Just devoted Catholics… 🙏

It’s sunny and bright this morning. Can’t say the same about some of you

Dinner

Someone said “that’s a great looking breakfast” on one of my tweets and for a second I thought I posted a picture of my cooter cat… but it was just bacon 🥓

Also, just to CLARIFY, just because you meet my age criteria, does NOT mean I want to fuck you… some of yall are old fucken perverts too.

You need to be this age or older to get in this ride… Shhh 🤐…

Who are these 20year old boys in my DMs? Like… no… just… does your mother know you have mama issues? Go away… I own period panties older than you.

Why are the best men I know on here from Philly? Is there something in the water? It’s the pork roll isn’t it?