I'm bored. I'm about to make that everyone else's problem.

Once we get clothing with pockets it’s over for y’all

Newsflash: Women can open pickle jars.

The only thing I know ab AI is it desperately wants us to have more fingers

Sorry I roasted you. I was trying to flirt.

In Iran if a 12-year-old girl is raped and impregnated by her father, she must carry the baby to term, or be thrown in prison for life. Wait, sorry, no. That's Mississippi.

I have never seen a smiling face
that was not beautiful

If you get blocked by someone here don’t pop back up with an alt to talk back. Just go away. Coming back to talk to someone who doesn’t want to know you is what scary people do. It’s a scary person thing to do. Don’t do it. Thanks.

Tell him to call me.

Men who get pedicures are sexy.

I just looked up my symptoms on WebMD, and apparently, I'm insane in the membrane.

How fucking high was the inventor of the accordion?

I’m your dreaded, cheerful morning person who wants to talk with you before your coffee!!

When people tell us over thinkers to not overthink......okay then.

Let me go ahead and turn off the only kind of thinking I do.

Someone should combine a Ouija and a charcuterie board. You might as well snack while you're asking the spirit of aunt Ethel where she buried that can of nickels.

If I bought a boat I would name it Rose's Door. It can fit two people but only I would ride it.

Trump has the most fuckable neck in politics.

Next time a guy asks to see more of me, I’m showing him my colonoscopy video