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Woke up in the middle of the night with a full formed short story idea convinced it would catapult me into literary micro-celebrity. Checked my phone notes this morning and it just says: “avant garde jazz vibraphonist performs at Midwest strip club. all the dancers have diabetes”

don’t understand why compulsively eating asda own-brand digestives (70p) while staring blankly at the kitchen extractor fan hasn’t alleviated my crippling self-doubt (??)

what could possibly go wro

Jaws is such a great film because it taps into that primal human fear of our beach resorts becoming unprofitable.

Here’s how you remember: Guttenberg with two Ts, Police Academy ye sees. Gutenberg with just one, the printing press he done.

Half Ma’am Half Brisket

P…Paddington…?

A reminder that if the young Michael Gove had been a character in Grange Hill he’d have been trampled to death by the school donkey.

Noel’s. House. Party.

Wait a minute

Cher and Cher alike

Are You There Godzilla? It’s Me, Margaret.

It is my contention that people who wear flip-flops in airports before 7am are, in the words of Alan Partridge, sex people.

Sweet baby Jesus! This is the greatest thing. 😂😂😂

“Popcorn” by (I Can’t Believe It’s) Hot Butter. Obviously.

“Well, Liz? Have the lambs stopped screaming?”

Canesten