they should make a pepper spray that sprays both forwards and backwards so you cant get confused. yeah I’m getting sprayed. but so are you. and Im probably gonna handle it better because of my unbreakable spirit

Me and Jacques Cousteau cruising the deep in our submersible, shining a light on weird underwater things, him narrating in his adorable accent as I wolf a meatball sub

Thank goodness for my time machine. I used to have to travel through time by hand

My friend got a tattoo on his arm that says “comparison is the thief of joy” and I’m really debating getting the same tattoo on my arm but a little bit bigger

This. This fucking thing. If you put This Fucking Thing in front of me, I go insane. Everything else disappears in my world and only this exists. I refuse to eat anything else until it’s fully gone. It’s my great love. Is it damaging my body? Dude i literally don’t care. I don’t

“A central parable of American life: how we allow the architects of our foreign policy, no matter how criminal, to remain influential in government, business, and society and continue to conduct themselves with the same immorality and incompetence”

—Suzy Hansen, The Nation

this is super late but i hope everybody has a great 2023

Tonight’s the night when the Las Vegas sphere grows limbs and begins its journey

Steampunk cat by US artist Sue Beatrice who creates small sculptures and jewellery out of old watch parts #WomensArt

We report: sometimes, we think we know what to expect when it comes to the sky. We go a few days, maybe a couple of weeks without much happening, a rainbow perhaps, a contrail... We think we know the sky. It happens then, that the clouds twist and knit into impossibilities.

every year the average person swallows 15 eels in their sleep. oh no here comes another one

Sometimes I’ll turn on AM radio and park under a bridge for a little peace and quiet

soup bouncer: {checking list} okay, onions, carrots, celery, chicken, chicken stock, salt, pepper. i think that’s everyone. uh, excuse me, can i help you?
bay leaf: it’s okay, i’m with them

An owl woke me this morning. I stood and looked out the window and just caught its silhouette flying. I realize there’s something deeply mystical and prophetic about this but I’m still going to tweet about bearded clams today

The monster who used thee and thou took the mystery out of my heart and gave it the manners and put it right againe. I still don't know myself but the quest is noble and an old soul asks permission anyway before it lies on the dragon's couch and starts with its childhoods.

Interacting with my page should lower your credit score

This postcard remains taped to the metaphorical refrigerator of my youth

a plant, italy, 15th century

If your jacket was really reversible, it would either be able to make you warm or cold