Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profileg
Ellis Weiner

@EllisWeiner

Humorist since the late 18th century. Ghostwriter for hire. Self-employed. Opinions do not reflect those of my employer. Rogers/Dynasonic/traditional grip.

ID:282677367

linkhttp://www.ellisweiner.com calendar_today15-04-2011 17:44:47

43,1K Tweets

861 Followers

376 Following

Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Granted, transcribing Trump's rally improv and grading it is like shooting fish in a barrel. But *someone* has to shoot them.

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Again: They're backing an anti-abortion bill passed before women could even vote. It is an all-male, 19th century, territorial law. If they could re-institute slavery, they probably would.

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Paul Rudnick(@PaulRudnickNY) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Stephen Miller calls Trump a “style icon.” Because:
- He brought back the hair soufflé
- Long red tie is the Republican genital
- White golf pants provide housing for 3 families
- Shapeless blue suit has influenced many shapeless white men
- Gravy with croutons as makeup

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I can take or leave (mostly leave) Scarborough, but this is a righteous rant, which we'd cheer if made by a normal Democrat.

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

The current Supreme Court is to previous Supreme Courts as the current Republican Party is to previous Republican Parties. You can't say anything worse than that.

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Tommy Vietor(@TVietor08) 's Twitter Profile Photo

It's long-past time to stop pretending that the Supreme Court is some kind of virtuous entity that floats above politics and rules on the merits. Congress needs to put in place stringent ethics rules and be honest about the fact that our courts are full of partisan hacks, too.

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I always say this, but it's still true: If the town drunk at your local tavern nattered on like this at the end of the bar, you wouldn't be surprised, you wouldn't pay attention, and you wouldn't vote for him for President.

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

It's instructive to see how Speaker Mike Johnson, that uber-pious, Scripture-referencing Christian, thinks nothing of bearing false witness when it comes to talking about illegal aliens voting. It's almost like he's a hypocrite or something!

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

God, I'm tired of him. I'm tired of his obvious lies, his trademark turns of phrase, his third-grade vocabulary, his constant whining, his bigotry, and the overall tacky, cheap quality of his schtik.

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Paul Rudnick(@PaulRudnickNY) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Lindsey Graham, who's calling for a national abortion ban, explained, 'When my imaginary girlfriend got pregnant, she had the baby in my parlor, where I've raised Lindsey Jr. to mix drinks, fold napkins and vacuum. No one's seen him because he's shy. He's 68 now'

Lindsey Graham, who's calling for a national abortion ban, explained, 'When my imaginary girlfriend got pregnant, she had the baby in my parlor, where I've raised Lindsey Jr. to mix drinks, fold napkins and vacuum. No one's seen him because he's shy. He's 68 now'
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Kelly Jean Clair🍸🇺🇦🟦🟧(@KellyJeanClair) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Brilliant AND timely! I was having a conversation this past weekend with some in-laws (big ‘R’ Republicans) who will NOT be voting for trump 👏🏼 BUT because they are “R”epublicans they refuse to vote for Biden or any other Democrat 🤦🏻‍♀️ I will be forwarding this to them 🫶🏼

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

All this talk about ...For a funny (but accurate!) intro to what those people believe--and it's weirder than you think--read this:

tinyurl.com/mrxbd5xc

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Ellis Weiner(@EllisWeiner) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Trump's statement here--I know you're shocked--is incoherent, no matter how Important he Thinks it is when He uses capitaL Letters.

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