Rads (@FeelingEuphoric )

Rads

Bio Everything in moderation, except for snacks. onlyfans.com/feelingeuphoric
Location she/her
Tweets 49,8K
Followers 35,9K
Following 836
Account created 09-07-2011 07:31:32
ID 332118291

iPhone : THERAPIST: how would you like to begin today

ME: *laying seductively on chaise lounge* paint me like one of your french girls

THERAPIST: … fine, but this is the last time

iPhone : [teaching my boyfriend cards]

ME: the blue ones represent logic, the yellow are morality & order, the green use instinct & interdependence, and the red value chaos & impulse

HIM: *frantically flipping through UNO instruction booklet*

iPhone : *gazing up at stars*

Her (whispering): is that the Big Dipper?

Me (a barista): actually the technical term for it is Venti Dipper

iPhone : you might think that cats would make good scientists because they are so curious.

you’re wrong. cats have no respect for the scientific method and consistent independent variables

iPhone : SON: sharks are scary, daddy

DAD: no need to be scared, a lot of other things are more likely to kill you than sharks!

SON: like what?

[a long scrape is heard as vending machine slowly slides into the room]

iPhone : weighing myself when I know I’ve gained weight:
•disheartening
•bad for my mental health

taking that weight and dividing it by the average weight of a duck:
•more ducks than before

iPhone : Ꮍᴀᴇʟ I am going to do it. For you, for science, for the good of this country. I’ll probably have to retweet some good jokes of my own and others to hide my timeline’s shame though.