If your therapist asks for a few minutes to think about the best way to process what you just told them, and they can't come up with anything helpful, does that mean you win or lose therapy?

There should be a way to opt out of all Mother's Day advertising if your Mom is dead.

Just saying...

Finally got to meet Bill Nye, even if it was only while he walked past my truck at JSX in Las Vegas 😅

BREAKING: Over 1600 scientists, including two Nobel Prize winners, from around the world have signed a declaration stating that claims of a “climate emergency” threatening the Earth are a hoax.

Nascar is here. Right now in front of Mandalay Bay

Vital Vegas Las Vegas Locally 🌴

14 years? Jesus... #MyTwitterAnniversary

Excuse me, pardon me! #2ktvwow #NBA2K23forXboxSeriesXS #XboxShare

At what age do naps go from optional to mandatory?

I just paid a traffic ticket with a rewards credit card, because that's what being an adult is all about...

Those Frequent Flyer Miles...

I will never be happy in a relationship until my lady plays with my moustache while sitting on my lap like I'm some old-timey river boat gambler...

Christianity is just proof that the Placebo Effect works...

I know two couples celebrating July 1st as their first date night since May because they thought that 'planning a date night during Pride Month was homophobic'

I'm not making this up

The planet wouldn't miss them if I did everyone the favor... right?

I would really like to get into local politics, but my dick was on the internet in 2011 and I don't know how I'll recover from that if it was brought up in a debate 😅

The amount of Christians who don't know that the Jews and Muslims worship the exact same God is mind-boggling

At what point does your Lego collection become a leverageable investment...?

So you showed up to her funeral why??

Beautiful day today on #PugetSound in #Seattle

The Seattle Times KING 5 News KIRO 7 KOMO News FOX 13 Seattle My Seattle News NWS Seattle

Whenever I see someone with a tumitravel bag, I know a hasty decision was made in an airport one day and they just accepted it...

The Creative Director for Men's Health Magazine watches every single story I post on Instagram. So does the Number 1 Ranked Tap Dancer in the World...

What the fuck is going on?