Now why did I think up until now that 'petit larceny' was actually called 'petty larceny' like you'd get charged for stealing AND being a bitch

We used to be a country. A proper country.

Me going for my little mental health walks

Do you think I could negotiate it to $30 a year???

Me explaining the gap on my resume

Were you *photoshopped* or were you *photoshopping*?

Me and Hannah Wright have recorded 30 episodes of this podcast where we discuss early 2000s reality TV and its most iconic moment.

If you are not listening, you’re a bad person.

Why does she look like she was just shot

Dorit at the #RHOBH reunion

I just gasped in shock and horror because it’s almost 8pm, I’m watching TV on the couch, and I realized I still have my bra on.

One thing about me is, I would pay any amount of money, go into any amount of debt, to be able to skip the lines at an amusement park.

Just put up that little 'open to work' banner on my Linkedin, so excited to sit back and let the offers start rolllling in now

We all laughed at that “Rent is too damn high” guy but he was so right for that. The man should be president IMHO!!!

We’ve all worked hard, suffered and sacrificed a lot in this lifetime and honestly, we deserve this. A very good season of Love is Blind.

One of the wildest things about New York is that whenever you try to donate your old clothes, you’re always just told “your clothes are actually too cheap and ugly for charity, no thank you.”

Just accidentally stepped on a bunch of spilled grapes at the grocery store and it felt REALLY good and satisfying. I think I’m gonna start doing it on purpose as like, a hobby.

Might spend some time trying to decipher the remaining 2 unsolved Zodiac killer messages while I wait to get staffed in a writers room again

Is dark chocolate actually any healthier than milk chocolate or is that just like some random fuckin shit??

Thinking about what if bars gave out spoonfuls of peanut butter instead of shots and that was a thing as a society we did together at night. I just think that would be nice.

Someone gave up