I think my ‘fear of missing out’ is broken.

If there’s one thing I know about life, it’s this:

Shit happens.

My house looks messy when other people are in it.

I think it’s them.

Amazon: Your package was delivered, tell us how we did.

Well, you made it to my postcode.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust into them.

Or something like that.

Spending time with my son reminds me why I want to be alive.

Sundays and weed go together like strawberries and cream.

Sometimes I’m only a big ball of frustration that screams.

I’m fun to be around if you like thinking about really random shit.

People who create drama want you to feel their unhappiness.

Most people don’t like it when you refer to unborn babies as parasites.

I only punctuate my sentences with swear words because it really irritates the fake kindness cunts.

Taking someone else’s pain and making it all about you is not empathy.

People don’t change but the same can’t be said of their attitude.

“You only live once.”

Buddhist: Fuck off.

It’s important to have a reason to get out of bed every day.

I suppose I should thank my bladder.

Who looked at caramel and thought: “this shit needs salt”?

You can’t all be right but we could all be wrong.

I think about that often.

Sometimes the nonsense in my head makes perfect sense.

The procrastination is tomorrow’s problem.