Are Labour going to oppose this?

It must have been great reporting burglaries in the 1970s. Within half an hour a world-weary plain-clothes detective inspector would be standing in your living room in his raincoat asking ‘And did you see anyone sir?’, while a younger constable hovers attentively in your porch.

Or…is it the businessman, in his suit and tie?

Where did the ‘And are these [things I’m accusing you of imagining] with us in the room right now?’ LOL come from, and can we have a moratorium on it?

It seems to only be used by the worst people in the world.

‘It’ll be The Official Ringo Starr Podcast next.’

WHY ARE ALL THE BEATLES PODCASTS ENDING?

The Beatles being ‘on Disney’ still feels wrong to me. Like Caesar’s Palace doing a Harold Pinter season.

If I was Liz Truss I’d be so fucking embarrassed. I wouldn’t be able to find a hole deep enough to hide in for the rest of my life.

The audacity of not only being unembarrassed but attempting a ‘You know what, I still think I’m brilliant’ relaunch…it’s just astonishing.

This is an interesting illustration of our times. In the past, a politician would have been advised to laugh along with the gag - the old ‘wanting to buy your Spitting Image puppet’ disarming technique. But someone like Truss cannot be allowed to have a sense of humour.

Ah, so that’s why they’re releasing Let It Be.

Time to play our favourite game, Beatle scholars: How Will They Have Fucked It Up?

Cue loads of people saying ‘Surely we don’t need it now that we’ve got Get Back?’.

Remind these people that Get Back contains very little material from Let It Be.

Me: ‘Right, time to get into bed, turn off my mind and float downstream.’

My consciousness: ‘Hi it’s me, reliably keeping you awake with hypochondria, cacophonous earworms and random fever dreams until 15 minutes before you need to get up. Let’s kick things off with Love Shack.’

Extraordinary, isn’t it, that Jonathan Ross still has a primetime chat show. One that apparently goes out on ITV on Saturday nights.

Who watches it? I assume some people must do. But it’s like finding out they still make fruit Polos.

Bantz that you don’t see so much of in dramas any more: characters in pubs joking about ‘taking a chance’ with the bar food.

So long as they retain the theme tune with its correct opening lyric: ‘This is your life/Look, there’s your wife…’

‘Alright, I’ll take one.’
‘Excellent, sir. So here’s your Sade Best Of…’
‘Thank you.’
‘…And here’s your €100.’

Noel was genuinely wrongfooted by that kiss wasn’t he? #totp

Comedy scholars, is Helen Lederer’s memoir worth getting?

Has she ever seen a sitcom before?