I keep getting older, gotta touch the vegas sphere again before things get dire

It would be a great American triumph to build this with union labor in Buffalo, NY:

Been thinking about Succession and keep coming back to the karaoke bar scene. Probably the most important moment of the show and it completely snuck up on us.

I see a lot of “complaining about the death of third spaces” and not a lot of “learning to play magic the gathering so you can hang out at game stores”

I think it makes sense for bars to not want kids hanging around drunk/smoking/yelling people. I think if it’s just a big patio that happens to have beer you’ve gotta suck it up and let parents hang. I also don’t think season 9 of Scrubs is canon. I’m right about lots of stuff

A tree on my block got hit by a car and somehow survived. Each day it gets closer to its old self, slowly healing.

Unfortunately there’s nothing to learn from this, if that happened to me I’d have been killed. I’m jealous of the tree and would destroy it if I were strong enough

Every day on my street someone drives by slowly, speaking ominously through a megaphone. I found it very off putting until one day they did it while my window was open and I found out it was a dude selling fresh fruit out of his truck. He was just saying 'bananas' over and over.

Decided while cutting onions for dinner that I would no longer allow them to irritate my eyes. I simply willed that it would not happen and it worked. I was so happy I wept.

$22...you won't find a better deal. Zero-screw assembly...you were perfect and I rejected you

Comedians all want to be tough but tough guys don't write good comedy! You've gotta be kinda whiny! You've gotta be like 'auuuughhh ouhhhhh this common inconvenience sucks so much that I wrote 500 words about it' You have to have a little Larry David in you.

*parmesan approaches me wearing a labcoat*
'hey I did a study about dinner and it turns out it is right now'

Gotta be honest with you guys I assumed X-Men 97 was gonna be a bland nostalgia play and not one of the most interesting X-Men adaptations of the last 25 years

This guy refers to paying taxes on his 400k income as 'demotivating' and frankly I think that's fine. Pay your taxes and send a few fewer emails, pal. You'll be okay.

Can't believe Catherine O'Hara took this video

AAAAA Dan is such a talent (y'all already know this!) and I'm so excited for him having written flavor text for so many of the cards in MtG's new set Outlaws of Thunder Junction! CONGRATS BUD!!! ✨