Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

I was instructed by my teenager to 'post this online' so here you go have a good week

A Squirtle throwing up in the middle of the night and accidentally causing $12,000 in water damage and 2 months of repairs

“your days are numbered” yeah bro that’s how calendars work

Alright, guys, the correct answer is Elmo and we’re going into deep analysis here so bear with me.

1) Oscar - You will now remain trapped on the island and even if his trashcan is a magical tesseract of free space and clean water, he won’t let you in.

The B-52s Shaq Parent
🤝
Love Shaq baby

[leaving the clone store]

ME: thanks for the help I’ll see myself out

ME: can I interest you in these toy fighter jets?

DETECTIVE: actually I'm looking for some information

ME: {arranging the jets into a V} how's this?

Mississippi has hogged the spotlight for far too long. From now on I’m only counting by Connecticuts.

In banana years, I am bread

waiter: I'll leave you to look over the menu

ouroboros: no need

christmas can't come soon enough

“Let me get this straight, you got your asses kicked by four fully mature mutant ninja turtles?”

“No, sir, it’s actually worse than that.”

New Transformers preorders are up at BBTS:

MP Rhinox ($219.99) - bit.ly/46J8Nfm
Nemesis Bridge 3-Pack ($109.99) - bit.ly/46sF76N
Premium Finish Starscream/Waspinator ($69.99) - bit.ly/3twttsV

Cop: You’re driving on the wrong side of the road.
Driver: Sorry, I’m English.
Cop: (shouting) It’s the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?

An amish party in the desert called churning man

How are you gonna say “NEVER SURRENDER” with your whole chest after you JUST turned yourself in? That’s literally surrendering?

Got kicked out of ninja school because they knew I arrived

yelping Barbie! instead of Kobe every time I miss the recycling bin with my white claw can