Play and Record, the simultaneous double secretaries of Euterpe, Greek muse for the worthy of being taped. We human office a pair of fate spun fingers always in balance with pressure so play does not get hit first revealing the drunken Apollo bootleg we're taping over, so be it.

I only wear lingerie he can tear off with his teeth

These here are called birthing hips and with one hip check I’ll knock you across a room

Getting high at 6 am is how I 'treat' my anxiety.
Let's talk about healthy coping mechanisms after I've finished this bowl, ok?

Everyone cares about something, it's just not you or me. There, isn't that better? You're welcome.

Please don’t be ugly in the world; we have those 80s jelly shoes to do that for us.

Me, modeling my thrift store finds for the people after 6 Long Island ice teas

The altar of your indifference.

I truly believe bartending to be of the noblest professions but cocktail chef? Come on man

Me: I’m just worried something really bad is gonna happen

Them *gives me a hug*

Me: and there it is

I am an old school romantic. Sweep me off my feet then pull my hair.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is making us think different devices need different sized chargers.

AI uses British punctuation?!? This has gone too far. I am not kidding.

No, I’d follow you back but your bio triggered my acid reflux sooooo
I’ll walk my path & you walk yours?

✌🏻

I grew up in a poor family. We didn't have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

I have no intentions of being a good time.

I always end up with the mentally unstable pawpaws in my mentions.

Every time someone thinks about replying to a tweet with some rambling nonsense because they didn’t understand the tweet to begin with, their phone should be able to taser them as a reminder that they’re stupid.

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me