“I’m not hungry” is just a figure of speech

Are owls ok?

Everything I do is with both rhyme and reason. Peason.

I don’t really go see movies. They come see me.

A speech on brevity. Thank you for your time.

“Ya know, no one talks about lice anymore.” - Cami Kronish

A woman in the elevator just told me I’m “tall enough for a girl” I would just like to say thank god! I’ve been so worried that I hadn’t met the required threshold. To all those shorter than me, sux for u guess ur all men while I am a verified woman

Music is the universal language. Until there’s lyrics.

helpful advice for incoming freshmen class: remember that Harvard is home to ppl from all backgrounds. REGARDLESS of a student’s RACE, GENDER, SEXUALITY, AGE, ABILITY STATUS, etc., you SHOULD ALWAYS off-handedly mention your SAT score.

I’m in Toronto for shows

the promoter was like, “ur audience is coming out despite the NBA finals.”

i was like yeah it’s a women’s world cup crowd

A brief history lesson... Marco Polo: Marco China: Polo Marco Polo: oh there you are!

Nothing has the sex appeal of a man on a Segway #provemewrong

We should call people by their Starbucks order... caramel frappe Susan, chai latte Megan, double bacon fat burger Cindy

I’m all for gender neutral bathrooms but I cannot, for the life of me, pee standing up.

Dominique Cantave takes it to the house to defeat Dartmouth in OT for the Ivy 7s Championship! #GoCrimson

Mulan: who is that girl I see, staring straight, back at me... why is my reflection s- iPhone Face ID: unable to recognize

“It’s all gooch in the kooch” - my gynecologist

[washing hands in a public restroom]
“So... do you come here often?” *wink*
“Yeah. I have terrible IBS.”