People born in 2004 are turning 40 this year. Let that sink in.

My car has this weird electrical problem where it drives to Taco Bell.

If someone calls you fat, eat them.

If your parents gave you RoseArt crayons, they didn’t love you.

I’m shy at first but once you get to know me, I will fart.

Playing this cute little game with my toddler called “MOMMY NEEDS A FUCKING MINUTE”

My car has this weird electrical problem where it drives to Taco Bell.

I’m shy at first but once you get to know me, I will fart.

White people be like, “are you sure I should add pepper? I don’t want it to be too spicy”

Soon payroll will be asking for a tip before giving you your paycheck.

Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?

I think if I ever had to deliver bad news, I would start by sitting down backward on a chair.

My daughter asked me if the tooth fairy would only give money for *her* teeth and I’m a little concerned