Wake up, you idiots! Whatever made you think that money was so valuable?

For some people, getting pregnant is as easy as catching cold.

This is my principal objection to life, I think: It is too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.

Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.

Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but they insist on amassing information.

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak.

The two prime movers in the Universe are Time and Luck.

I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'

The function of the artist is to make people like life better than they have before.

Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?

They say there are no atheists in foxholes, and this is a good argument against atheism. I think it's a better argument against foxholes.

It's never a mistake to say good-bye.

Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.

Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.

Any man can call time out, but no man can say how long the time out will be.

I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, althouh most do not care about them. You are not alone.

I am a brother to writers everywhere.

You realize, of course, that everything I say is horseshit.

Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?