Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profileg
Kyle 🌱

@KylePlantEmoji

I am incredibly online | King of edible leaves, his majesty the spinach | he/him |
the hits https://t.co/13Ium8Yy25

ID:703664485593014272

calendar_today27-02-2016 19:34:21

91,7K Tweets

138,7K Followers

1,3K Following

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Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profile Photo

[baseball game]

Her: how do you even become a bat boy

Me: *wiping nacho cheese on my jorts* first of all his name is Robin and I'm pretty sure your parents have to be dead first

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Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Coworker: good to be back at work though, break felt a little long to me if I'm being honest

The Slavic Man I Hired To Pour Hot Soups On People Who Annoy Me: here come da ladle

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Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profile Photo

'I'm just notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song' ok well first of all, she's the whole fuckin song, second of all, it's one of the most popular songs of its generation. This whole situation is a little more lopsided thank you make it seem, Mr Out Boy

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Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Website: enter your new password

Me: *typing* h-u-n-t-e-r-2

Website: confirm your password

Me: h-

Website: the passwords have to match you absolute idiot. You fucking smoothbrained numbskull. Log the fuck off

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ditch pony(@molly7anne) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Be careful when you start saying stuff ironically because suddenly you can’t stop. Like I’ve been saying β€œyeet” for days. Yeet yeet yeet, constantly. My family is devastated. They won’t stop crying. β€œYou’re breaking our hearts,” they say. β€œYeet,” I say.

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Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Me: thou art a purveyor of many wares, many wares indeed... Mayhaps I could inquire as to the location of thine blade oil

Target employee: I'm afraid I don't know what you mean

Me: *unsheathes Tempest's Fury* thou art wise to be afraid

My wife: we're only here for towels babe

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Kyle 🌱(@KylePlantEmoji) 's Twitter Profile Photo

We all know:

Dog shit: poor quality
Horse shit: a lie
Bull shit: lie, or otherwise fraudulent
Chicken shit: cowardly

I propose:
Bird shit: understandable, but still annoying. Like dealing with all the bird shit parking at Target on Christmas eve

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