he and i have the same birthday ❤️

(janbrucember 27nd)

Do you know who you really are?
Are you sure it’s really you?

“So, I have always wanted to be put into a medically induced coma.”

Architect: “Say no more”

Hot Ones but it’s with a psychiatrist

The mass lack of self awareness on this app is a gift that keeps on giving.

Mom?

#ClassicMASH

I hate when someone posts something really wise and contemplative but then they get a lil cocky and add 'read that again' and now their banger post is trash

The pic on the left makes her look like a member of Aerosmith from the late 80s.

My tweets bother you? Great! That was my exact intention!

It’s not cheating on your spouse if your sex doll also calls you a worthless pig while you fuck it.

This is your annual reminder that this is all jokes and nonsense.

I wish my vibrators were charged 😞

Gleeking is just mouth squirting.

One thing about me is that I push my feelings to the side real fast and move on

The internet keeps trying to show me things

I'd eat lunch w/ roughly 5% of you.

Somebody do a rain dance for me? Ima need to be stuck by lighting get my ass outta bed

I prefer to be called 'bangable' instead of handsome

“HIPPA” is trending, so lots of hot takes from ppl who can’t even get the acronym right