Eating one apple a day: nice, fine, normal behaviour.

Eating two apples a day: dark, dangerous, worrying behaviour.

we used to be a proper society

nothing more humbling than Instagram going down and being forced to scroll through LinkedIn

forever in awe of (and totally fucking terrified of) people who are capable of having a full-on conversation with someone on the tube in the morning

can’t wait to watch the Fyre Festival-style documentary that Channel 5 is going to make about the Glasgow Willy Wonka experience

my only contribution to the Vice discourse is that they once let me go and eat at every single ‘Best Kebab’ in London to find out which one was really the best… which was as fun to write as it sounds vice.com/en/article/vbn…

this is literally how everyone dresses in London

thoughts on Valentine’s and love x

wrote a bit about the barber

wrote about all the restaurant trends that need to die in 2024 for British GQ — because no one should be doing caviar bumps. gq-magazine.co.uk/article/worst-…

what are the rules on drinking non-alcoholic beers at work? I know it’s technically fine but there just feels something kind of illicit about cracking open a Heineken 0.0% with your meal deal

I’m afraid I’ve got to take direct responsibility for this