new baby shoes never worn just dropped

Wanna see the saddest text message in the world to get at 9:20 am

You know there are a lost of songs on this album because my wife thought this was real and she just hadn't gotten to it yet.

🤞🤞🤞 clarence thomas is riding the big megayacht in the sky

i hate when a recipe is like “add salt to taste.” that’s why i added all the other stuff too

just learned that they put your last name on a pet’s prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams

i hate when a recipe is like “add salt to taste.” that’s why i added all the other stuff too

Everybody you meet is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Attack them. Now they’re fighting two battles

wrong, the midwest is anywhere there is a culvers. it’s about the culture not the region

i’m sorry is that jerry in the corner giving birth

important reminder: while the eclipse is underway, don’t forget that all crime is legal

thank you pitbull