Dangerous people see war as a game of numbers, statistics and possibility. War is the smell of burning bone, the screams of children hiding in sewers as rockets sear their flesh, and the sound of mothers howling into the bodies of starving babies. It's not maths.

My flatmate is definitely a bad people, I'd like £5,000 please

I'd like a column please, I promise not to write about my fraught delusional encounters with probably-trafficked women for deeply unamusing commentary on my libido

Elon Musk reminds me of a beached orca and somehow that 14 year old boy at a wedding who stares at you with his hands in his pants

In this article, I will explore how I so sexually aroused by Lockheed Martin's quarterly profit announcements that I went to Somalia and had sex with an arms dealer

Ok some free PR advice for you all: if you are going to review a lecture on Kant, don't write in a national paper about how you were so turned that you immediately went to see a sex worker in an illegal brothel

Oh my god you could not torture this out of me, what the actual fuck

You could have married me and we could have had amazing dinner parties and written very bad songs together on the piano but no, you have a 'problem' with my desire to wipe cyclists off the face of the earth

Youth: I am hip to the max and enjoy nightclubs
Drug dealer: hello youth, would you like some drugs
Youth: yes please although I have heard drugs are dangerous and expensive
Drug dealer: I will give you one cannabis so you develop an active addiction
Youth: I will partake, sir

Every year, more than 25% of Black children living in rental households receive an eviction filing.

Julia Craven of Better Life Lab scans the policy landscape & discusses reforms that can ensure housing security & social equality for Black families.

🏠 bit.ly/3THq584

I’m excellent at this

Andrew Tate giving young men eating disorders, body anxiety and worsening their self esteem and sense of success breaks my heart.

Average is ok. Average is good. Never be unhappy because you’re ordinary. We don’t all need to be CEOs or have six packs.

Clytemnestra by John Collier, 1914, oil on canvas. Collection: Worcester City Museum and Art Gallery.

No the message is:

Why is it ok that men are raised to live out their dreams and women are raised to help men live out their dreams?

Women are also sentient beings with their own thoughts and dreams.

I love traditional men. I can't stand sneering, misogynistic, controlling dickheads who think wanting to provide and care for their partner also involves exploiting and manipulating them.

This is so creepy and if you are a bloke using it, you better hope it never gets leaked 💀

Me: oh Emily is really friendly
Emily: who the fuck is this
Me: she’s a bit shy sometimes
Emily: bitch, why is this whore in my house
Me: she’s really lovely though, loves a cuddle
Emily: fucking feed me or get you and your loser human friend out of my house

In no particular order

- please call or message me a few times a week if we’re dating
- please don’t only invite me out or talk to me for sex
- please tell me it’s over so I don’t text you again
- please don’t insult or bully me over things I can’t change about myself

Hey 💋 Yeah I was just thinking about the time in 442AD the bishop of Margus was scared of being tortured by the Huns so he let the Huns in at the dead of night in exchange for his life and they murdered everyone and razed the city to the ground and probably killed him💕

I can’t, I have to watch the baby