I love it when we take out the competition. Tiktok needs to go.

Next up will be X.

This Opera browser keeps ratio'ing me but I'll never give up.

I'm always the underdog

Elon said no more engagement farming.

That means you're not allowed to post anymore.

Don't worry - you can post to your heart's content at Threads. Come join while the offer stands
twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

UFC said they wouldn't start the show until I arrived.

It's important to get outside the house at least one time per month

I have some bad news and some good news.

The bad news is, I've been neglecting Threads and no new updates are coming.

The good news is my recovery is making progress. I'm hoping to get back into training as soon as possible

What % of human do you think I am?

Most of you are probably off

Got a picture of the solar eclipse today for anyone who missed it.

Don't say I never do anything nice

I have an insider at X so they got my account unlocked quickly.

I know you all missed me when I was gone

Flashback! It was so popular. I know most of you miss it.

If X decides to add my poking feature, I will definitely sue them.

I'm busy fixing our company outage again.

Don't panic.
I have everything under control

Good news.

After years, we finally updated the Facebook video player so you can skip forward and back with the new slider.

I'm expecting this one update to be enough and people will leave X for it

My friend and I watching people fall for the April Fools pranks today.

He's smarter than you all.

I'm glad X finally decided to embrace my methods.

It took them long enough .

No more secrets now

I don't want anyone seeing any truth about the election this year.

I will keep encouraging people to focus on other things like cat videos and dancing in public.

Sold !
I figured I wouldn't need 10 homes anymore. 9 should be fine.

This was one of my tiny homes. It wasn't cutting it nowadays.

I had a friend reach out who was interested in buying TikTok.

I gave him some advice and told him to move forward with the purchase.

We may disagree on ... everything, but at least billionaires keep each other updated.

Don's feelings got hurt, so he wanted to blame Elon. I would do the same