The most relatable thing about EVIL is that I would also go up against all of hell to pay off my student loans.

Someone outside my apartment is playing Primadonna by Marina on a trumpet…

I hate Brooklyn.

A mother!

Now that it’s above 70 degrees outside, a lot of men aren’t afraid to manspread on the train.

But the joke is on them. Because I am not afraid to sit on a stranger.

Had a really wonderful day and then realized there is exactly ZERO photographic evidence that I looked cute during it and now the WHOLE DAY IS RUINED.

The Grey Gardens needledrop in ELSBETH!

You know it’s nice outside because everyone on this L train is sitting like this

Today was one of the exactly five perfect days New York City is granted every year.

The other 360 days are nothing but misery and suffering, but these five days make it worth it!

I love my apartment but I just stepped out onto my balcony to water my plants and made direct eye contact with my neighbor who was on his balcony shaving his chest.

So now I have to move to another state.

Why does she look like she’s serving those meat pies hot like Papa John.

Martha May Whovier and Lou Lou Who?

save me korean bbq & hot pot establishment playing elsbeth

Woman next to me on the train is texting someone. She asked “What are you doing tonight?”

Her friend replied with a photo of a plate of pasta and said “Literally eating pasta.”

I want what they have.

How could that be profitable for The Girl Scouts of America?

Whenever I see news about a new Sonic the Hedgehog movie I feel a little proud that I was part of the deluge of hatred and vitriol that bullied Paramount Pictures into scrapping the original character design.

That’s my boy :’)

Just another day at the office. #Elsbeth