Which song has you like this?

You had to look twice no doubt.

Some people want a big house, a fast car, and lots of money.

I just want a cabin in the woods away from those people.

The insult only works from 10am-12pm

'Look, you can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test. But not both.'

I don’t see anything wrong with this picture. Just a guy enjoying life to the fullest.

I got news for her - I was useless before 33

Therapist: When did the trauma start?

Me:

*Taylor Swift drops a new album

Girls with no personality:

Gotta be the greatest ad ever.

Remember to always Finnish your breakfast

Polyamory but it's because you need 3 incomes to survive now.

Quotes for life

That’s exactly what Jack Black would say.

'OJ Simpson dies at 76 years old today.'

Me:

Ever get so high...

I ain't no quitter.

Me looking at the eclipse today so I can file for disability tomorrow.

How about pay your employees?

Why experience the eclipse when you can look at memes about the eclipse on the toilet?