While Trump's polls are a complete disaster, his campaign brags about a boat parade where people held Trump-Pence signs. It's fair to say they're desperate.

Holy shit, I thought Kamala Harris was dead. As it turns out, it's some pro wrestler named James Harris, whose nickname is Kamala. Don't ask why. Don't know, don't care. #RIPKamala

Funny how Trump thinks people call him a racist corrupt incompetent asshole because they don't like him, but never considers that they don't like him because he's a racist corrupt incompetent asshole

If you leave voicemails when it's not a matter of life or death, you're a serial killer

BREAKING:
Trump's plan to get on Mount Rushmore is painting George Washington orange, taping a bunch of ferrets on top of it and pretending it's him

People are fighting over which is better between apple juice and orange juice and it's the most normal this year has been. I want to go back to fighting over irrelevant things so bad.

Imagine stealing an election, caging children, extorting an ally, being impeached, killing 165k citizens, but still hoping to be on Mount Rushmore and receive the Nobel Peace Prize

Raise your hand if you're sick of stupid 'Raise your hand if' tweets

I need to address the elephant in the room: What is up with Devin Nunes? He hasn't made the news for some massive dumbfuckery for ages. I have an ominous 'calm before the storm' feeling.

Larry Kudlow advised to buy stocks right before the 2 worst recessions since 1929. If you're listening to him, you kind of deserve to be bankrupt.

The best part is Rudy keeps that shit eating smile on his face the whole time...
I don’t think he could even processed what she said. 😆

Peter Navarro: Executive orders were invented by God, Democrats want everybody to die, Joe Biden drinks virgin blood, Nancy Pelosi kicks babies as a sport

Chuck Todd: I'll trust your word, fact-checking is overrated

Are we sure that Chuck Todd isn't Tucker Carlson with a fake beard?

Say what you want about Chuck Todd, but he's a hard worker. I've never seen anyone more dedicated to getting fired.

#ThingsICanNoLongerDo Fucking post a fucking tweet without fucking cursing

#ThingsICanNoLongerDo Pretend I like people

#ThingsICanNoLongerDo Sleep

I should be working, but instead, I'll waste time on Twitter and take a nap. 2020 messed with the wrong guy.