And so it came to pass ...

Boris Johnson's sitting at home watching the Mark 'Crystal' Menzies story unfold and thinking 'Lightweight.'

Big Ben silent as the alcoholics of anti-wokery sup the gin of gesture. Jolly fun in the mess as chaps discuss things they, or rather a chap they knew, got up to in a Streatham bordello. One chap says he was chemically kidnapped by Boy George, then remembers he's married. Karma.

Here's a pic of Mark Menzies leaving a police station. Not recent, sadly.

I anticipate that his defence of his latest escapade will be flashbacks from the brown acid at Woodstock.

Kudos to the creator!

Helen Whateley's sitting at home thinking 'See? I'm not so bad, am I?'

Congratulations to the Post Office for the admirable speed they've shown in holding an inquiry into allegations against boss Nick Read, an inquiry which has cleared him of all allegations. See, it can be done.

Big Ben silent as the cockalorum of cupidity eyes the wealth of widows. Capt Trott returns to the mess after besting that Burley woman in mortal combat. Cop that in the goolies, I said, she said, along with some language not suited to the breakfast table. For God and for Harry.

Blimey, even Delia's trolling Liz Truss now.

For all the free speech flagshaggers bleating about Farage and Braverman getting their arses handed to them by Belgian local government ...

Andrea thinks Nigel Farage is a True Conservative. Andrea's piss is boiling. Don't, for God's sake, be like Andrea.

Katharine Birbalsingh finally achieves her aim of excluding all the kids and all the teachers. Oh, and banning that furrin religion.

theguardian.com/education/2024…

Big Ben silent as the spelunkers of spite roam the caves of Conservatism. Brigadier Truss suggests disembowelling 50% of mess orderlies and a similar number of chaps. Chaps don't mind the orderlies but object to chaps being chopped. Ghost Capt Dorries is strangely quiet. Damp.

'Where does the bathwater go when the space under the floorboards is full?'

Isabel Oakeshott wins Melania Trump lookalike competition.

Big Ben silent as the shells of shame wreck the dreams of the displaced. General Lord Cameron delivers a rousing speech to the chaps, ending with a bit of Desmond Decker. Capt Shapps sulks. Several chaps sit with Capt Braverman, drawn in by new uniforms and unlimited cough drops.