I just loaded 6 pounds of shallots into Little Mermaid piñata AMA

Three seasons in “Is It Cake?” is in full YOLO mode.

The little one turns 6 tomorrow. This is how the 10yo and 8yo signed their sister’s birthday card.

Esteury Ruiz went down to AAA as Willie Mays Hays and came back up as Pedro Cerrano.

I was just in a men’s public restroom. There were feminine hygiene products available for free.

So I finished washing and drying my hands and went about my day completely unbothered by things that don’t affect me.

Because I’m not a pansy-ass little snowflake.

*Fewer

This is an incredible🧵dedicated to being wrong about literally everything.

Ok, I get now why they come by the carload to watch ghosts play baseball in a corn field.

John Cornyn is waging war on brisket.

this is an end of world scenario. ordering pizza from sbarro.

What is up with the sweat laughing emoji 😅?
Why would anyone ever use that?

This was, in the moment, one of the funniest lines any presidential candidate has ever delivered.

At Gonzaga, you’re part of a bigger story.

The story of 𝘊𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢 becoming a 𝙋𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙚 🎞

As a Gonzaga fan, it's hard to get better than watching former Tommy Lloyd and Dan Monson coaching against each other while BYU gets beaten by a school with a funny name. #GoZags

That’s Bret the Hitman Hart

JD Vance wants people to be mad that other congressional districts have more undocumented immigrants than theirs.

Whole Foods avocados and a little extra income from a subsidiary company that runs half the Internet.