You, an idiot with the mind of a child: It's dumb when the movie scientists create a machine that will clearly turn on them. They would never do that.

Actual roboticists: Let's just put the control box and power cables directly beneath the machete that swings randomly.

If you want to have a good time: bust out the old yo-yo and 'walk the dog'.
If you want to have a bad time: imagine a group of middle aged men dressed as Waluigi meeting in a cheap motel, writhing on the floor, eating overly ripe plums off a dirty carpet, moaning in dark ecstasy.

In the past 24 hours the following titles have been vacated:

AEW World Championship
AEW Trios Championships
The Supreme Governor of the Church of England

Ruth Bader Ginsberg smiles as Shinzo Abe opens the Pearly Gates.

'Welcome home, Your Majesty.'

'Thank you... queen,' Elizabeth grins.

God's corpse begins to decay even faster, its putrescence leaking into the world below, unleashing ever worse horrors.

i love it when tech support takes control of my screen i just sit back and watch them move my cursor around and open secret windows. like hey babe while you’re in there can you send some emails

Disappointed to learn that there's a lunch lady at my school but no lunch lord and not even a lunch squire

Lol. Mat Gaetz bought Chuck Yeager's twitter account and is using it to retweet stories about how Mat Gaetz will get to the bottom of Hunter's laptop.

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that's right: stomach amputation

The sensitivity of animals is incredible. The neighbor's cat put her paw in my hand and asked if we were making the same mistakes as Neville Chamberlain.

Every script is a one-on-one conversation between a voice actor and her unseen audience. Audie is here in the booth to help me focus.

in fact it’s scientifically rude af that they called the fish a clown in the first place

there is no scientific basis for why the clownfish hasn’t been renamed Nemo