I've been coming up with a bunch of D&D characters lately and I'm not really sure why. I've never even played D&D. But I have like 7 characters I want to play now.

this one's my favorite

I've spent the last few days going super in depth on trying to flesh out some D&D characters and I have no idea why because I've never played and don't have friends.

The wild panther is escaping with its prey 🐾

Just went grocering and all this was $180. The litter and tea was $40 of it.
You can just shop better.

Vending machine chicken sandwich. The plywood of meat.

Everyone says grandma's cat doesn't like to be held ...

Yo' momma's so stupid she thinks someone else being trans negatively impacts her in some way.

*to the tune of We Didn't Start the Fire*

Happy opening day to Timothee Chalamet

How to properly top a hot dog, in two steps:

Spring Bouquet 🌸🌼🌷🌹
#shadowology #flowerpower #march21st #spring #sunshine #wallflower #printemps #flowers #✨

Here's an awesome tip for helping children with their reading. Did you know that putting subtitles/captions on kids' shows massively improves their levels of literacy? Here's a little video of me explaining it. Feel free to share with your friends. #turnonthesubtitles

me, lightly touching miette with the side of my foot: miette move out of the way please so I don’t trip on you

miette, her eyes enormous: you KICK miette? you kick her body like the football? oh! oh! jail for mother! jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

The things going on in this bathroom right now ought to be illegal.
I must be cleaning out stuff I ate in 2010.

I have seen this exact same reply 6 times today, all from different accounts. Twice there were 3 different accounts replying with this tweet to the same post.

I reported them all as spam, and I'm certain all 6 reports will come back saying everything is normal.

Elixir? 'E doesn't even know 'er!

youtube.com/watch?v=A_SaCZ…

Greg Edwards I've been using a microscope at work recently and the main thing I've learned is that my skin and fingernails are in horrible shape.

Just ordered Papa Johns. Pizza, breadsticks, and wings.

Driver showed up, handed me breadsticks and wings, and quickly left without saying a word about wtf happened to my pizza.

I think I'm owed a refund.