I would probably watch baseball if it was all like this.

I wonder when was the first time someone on twitter responded to a rhetorical question?

Remember when White House staffers published an open letter with 'anonymous signatures' and nobody cared because there is no such thing as an anonymous signature.

When my ex girlfriend and I broke up she told me she'd been faking her orgasms the entire time we'd been together.

Really, I said. With who?

If your man would leave you for Jolene, maybe he was never really your man.

The best beef sandwich in the world is the Chicago Italian Beef. Dipped. With sweet and hot giardiniera peppers. They don't know how to make these in New York, and they definitely don't know how to make a beef sandwich in Philadelphia.

This guy can't handle a Chicago pizza.

This is a chicago style pizza. Thanks to our environment and training a Chicagoan can eat this 3 times a week. If someone from Michigan tried that they’d be dead within 6 months.

I went through my big book of regrets, just looking for something random I don't even remember what, and was really surprised to find I have never once regretted not publishing a tweet.

Here's a lifehack. If you need something done that's not crazy complicated, like pick up/deliver a couch, install a faucet, or change a light fixture, etc.

Place a $7 ad on Craigslist. You will save so much money and you'll be dealing directly with the person doing the work.

Defending people who wouldn't defend you if your circumstances were reversed is a feature, not a bug, of having actual principles

There’s really no one like George Saunders.

Someone needs to create a product that combines all the different writers with a substack so you can read all of them, preferably offline, printed and bound, for under $10.

Everybody is always responding. Nobody started it.

My first edition of Happy Baby, probably purchased directly from McSweeney’s in 2004. One of the most beautiful books I own, produced during McSweeney’s faux-leather and gold-lettering phase.

It is surreal - and a credit to this website in spite of its flaws - that Stephen Elliott, who wrote one of the most intense books about growing up I’ve ever read (Happy Baby), is a) a mutual and b) tweeting about buy and hold real estate.