When my bird is sleeping he puts his head backwards under his wing and he resembles a giant green pea.

What happened to Sphock? That used to be everywhere and now you never hear anything about it.

Eriksen after his first week in Turkey.

#NUFC every time an agent rings about Bruno Guimaraes in June:

RIP to my heated clothes drier 🕯️

It lasted 2 years… Similar lifespan to a hamster 🙏🏻

I just don’t like bath bombs, it’s like bathing in grit. I’d rather have a shower.

“I want to shower you with sugar lumps, and ride you over fences.

“Polish your hooves every single day, and bring you to the horse dentist.'

This is the most lovely thing I’ve heard all week 🥹

My doctor told me that I’d sent her a really good detailed picture of my tonsils and honestly I felt quite proud of my achievement.

Dan Ashworth is a bit of a snake isn’t he?

Matt Ritchie retiring from football to spend his retirement driving long distances alone, in meditative silence.
Just feels right somehow.

The road rage could be epic

I demand a team that wins, not a team that tries.

Meanwhile on Sky Sports News

Good Lord.

I’m now on antibiotics for tonsillitis. Prayers and well wishes will be gratefully received in the form of cash/presents/baby animals.

Thank you 🙏🏻

I’d like to thank all of the TV companies for not showing this car crash. You saved me a lot of pain.

NEED!

HOW MUCH? 😳😂

Oh we’re not on TV… That’s a bit out of order.