Swim Jeans👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit )

Swim Jeans👖

Bio Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘avi by @fro_vo / header by @marfsalvador / hair by @uncleduke1969 / flair by @love_bug1016
Location The Greater Chicagoland Area
Tweets 183,4K
Followers 19,5K
Following 753
Account created 01-10-2015 15:50:56
ID 3834819796

iPhone : me: so there's nothing you can do to help?
doctor: no, you're just going to have to live with it I'm afraid
me: [takes baby] ugh fine

iPhone : Dance like nobody's watching.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Clean like your roommate told the cops about your meth lab.

iPhone : me: I think my hippo might be dying

vet: sir, that's a really really fat horse

me: BECAUSE IT ATE MY HIPPO

iPhone : firing squad: *aims rifles*

general: any last words?

me: 🎶 chestnuts roasting on an... 🎶

general: OPEN FIRE