“I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-a to chimpanzee.”

“Sex cauldron? I thought they closed that place down.”

“It's all gone. Everything... gone-diddily-on.”

“Wow, I wish I had an elephant.”
“You did, his name was Stampy. You loved him.”
“Oh yeah.”

“Nice PJs, Simpson. Did your mommy buy them for you?”
“Of course she did, who else would have?”

“Bake him away, toys.”

“What I wouldn't give to hear Lisa play another one of her jazzy tunes. Saxamaphone. Saxamaphone.”

“And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.”

“Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.”
“Homer Simpson, smiling politely.”

“Spare me your euphemisms. It's fat camp for daddy's chubby little secret.”

“Yes, I hate it when things get worn out. Mmm... Socks... Welcomes...”

“And here we have Duff, Duff Lite, and our newest flavor; Duff Dry.”

“Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.”

“‘To start press any key’. Where's the ‘any’ key?”

“All these years, I should have been working on my act but I was too busy selling out. Now I'm just a tired old hack.”