One hour before WeGotTickets closes off ticket lists for tomorrow! Make them disappear! wegottickets.com/musicalcomedya…

When people destroy castles, that's cultural vandalism. When people build castles in the sky, that's Ian VanDahlism.

I always think the word 'stalwart' sounds like something you'd catch from a unclean toilet seat.

Lovely bit of timeline serendipity.

Got a citrus fruit stuck somewhere it shouldn't be? Give us a call!

(Discreet service. Special rates for Tory MPs)

Blue Peter: Children's TV Show
Grey Peter: Someone eating fruit

too soon?

Stripper: Make it rain!
Me: *puts washing out*

Proud of my achievement.

When it comes to pointless two-word phrases, I think 'competitive salary' is only possibly matched by 'serving suggestion'.

The 2024 WeGotTickets MCA Final Bloomsbury Theatre is almost sold out - book the last tickets before they're gone via ucl.ac.uk/bloomsbury-the… or last few at wegottickets.com/musicalcomedya…

Exactly this.

Me, putting cups in the dishwasher: OK. You're all going to stay the right way up this time, yes? No flipping upside down & ending up full of brown water. Promise?
Cup 1: Promise
Cup 2: Promise
Cup 3: Absolutely. Anything for you.
Cup 4: FUCK YOU BUDDY. I'LL DO WHATEVER I WANT.

Just been sorting out my son's Xbox subscription. I think we impressed the person/bot helping us. I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Might start mispronouncing the names of foodstuffs so I can go viral on TikTok.