I’m no longer sorry. This is actually the only good thing I’ve ever made.

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Doctors offices really be like sure we can get you in for that painful or maybe dangerous thing how's 9am two Mondays from next Christmas looking?

Happy Smoke and Eat 7 Bars of Chocolate Eve!

Living for these dipshit takes that assume Tay is referring to herself as the Tortured Poet without having listened to the album! Fascinating and insightful!

Taylor Allison Swift how are we supposed to listen to this album in public??

The trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased?

I'm slowly putting together a crew of Chris Pines:

Pilates is getting very trendy which I enjoy because inevitably there is one man in every class who thinks he’s in for a relaxed work out and ends up near-tears

I already loved Taylor Swift AND typewriters hahaha I don't need anyone's approval

Does the 10 second rule count for ear holes asking for someone who has airpods

Oh good, I've become the lady who wakes up and dawn and commences texting people that I'm thinking about.

WAKE UP IN THE MORNING LIKE FUCK P DIDDY

Ok here's mine: 7th grade leadership conference. We were in a workshop on school dances. A DJ was playing. Balloons everywhere. Then lights on. TV on. And the Juice was loose.

God damn it I'm too busy for Twitter to be this fun today

Liza Minnelli has outlived O.J. Simpson. In 1994 he murdered his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman

Katie really spent 10 years as the resident dullard then became the only one on VPR with the courage to be a lesbian and keep drinking her life away

What in the actual fuck? Why is Robin Dixon not coming back to Real Housewives of Potomac??????? Noooooo!!!!! Andy Cohen you need to explain this to me. She is my fave housewife of all the franchises! Andy Cohen call me now! You don’t have my number but ya know. I love you

It’s not “complicated.” A small cabal of billionaires is ready and willing to torch humanity for profit. They have already begun to do so. The rest is details.

Defund deez nuts