Big shout out to Michael from London who just thanked me because he thought he had missed his train, but actually it was running 9 minutes late so he easily made it

Anytime Micky lad! It’s what I do bro

Can the next person who dies bring up some tea bags

2 for 1 on prayers tonight till 9pm

If anyone ever tells you I talked to them, tell them you talked to me and I told you to tell them I wasn't talking to them and they're idiots

To all those telling me this account is a sin
Don't worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later

Tell Paul I will call him at 4

John 3:16

Most of your prayers will be answered if you actually just ate less

Mark 3:11
John 3:10
Luke 3:09

Tiny fellas but good lads

Remember yesterday when I was dead

#goodtimes

Just got home

Trying to explain to the Mrs that I’ve been dead since Friday is not going down well

Retweet this and your team will win this weekend even if they played yesterday

Happy Easter!
#backtoworkforme
#ohyouthoughtiwasdead
#feelinggood
#sorehandsbutstillgrinding
#judasisadickbtw

Most people who died on Friday are still dead!

Retweet if you died this weekend

Just noticed the holes in my hands

What am i like

I should really write a book about all this

Will be hilarious

What a mad weekend!

Woke up naked on a stick
LOL

Just walked in the pub

All the lads were like “No way!”

I was like “Yahweh!”

Surprise Mother Fuckas

It’s only me!